confused arab chick

I just spent a little over two hours cleaning out my inbox

The situation had gotten a little out of control

My hotmail inbox had over 500 "new" messages, dating back to late this summer.. and they just piled up and and piled up until there were more unopened emails than my scrambled brain could handle.

And since I have an exam tomorrow, several papers to write and a whole bunch of reading to do, it seemed like right now was the most pressing time to do it. And of course, once done.. I also had to blog about it.. because (a) clearing my inbox is one of the most exciting things anyone could ever do (b) everyone must hear about it and (c) i have nothing better to do

OTTAWA - Secret trials of non-citizens under Canadian immigration law violate the fundamental right of individuals to a fair trial, the country’s highest court ruled Friday.
http://www.canada.com/montrealgazette/news/story.html?id=b26cd090-c9d9-4a97-a773-e870614864b4&k=22056

And I'm so fucking happy
I (heart) Canada

Despite the cold :)

Victims of 'separation'

Suliman Yassin has been farming the land around Bil'in for more than 25 years. It provided a living for his extended family.

Three years ago, the Israeli army confiscated most of his farmland and uprooted his olive trees, to make way for the separation barrier.

Yassin said: "When they uprooted the trees that Thursday, I was taken to the hospital, I couldn't stand it any more. I took a knife, I was about to stab the man driving the bulldozer. We spent a fortune on this land and those trees."

Now Suliman Yassin can only look at his land through barbed wire.

He says he's staying – he's too old to move now. But most of Suliman's children have left, and he doesn’t expect them to come back.

http://english.aljazeera.net/NR/exeres/5F370D65-4584-4B33-9C4B-FE041E2C3767.htm

Amo Yassin breaks my heart.

I got back from tdot on wednesday night.
I spent a grand total of $45, getting there, being there five days and coming back. The suburbs- tis brilliant.

I spent the first part of reading week.. well, reading.
heh. I is a bit of a loser. But I has fucketloads of reading to do, so me thinks it's all good.

Ru is back, which is great. Let the escepades begin.
I have a feeling I'll be spending a lot less time chillin like a teta in my living room and a lot more time in Northen Quebec.

Anyways- much more reading to be done before school re-starts on Monday and Ima get to it.

- Did you know that
http://english.aljazeera.net/NR/exeres/EAE975EF-F99E-47DC-A98A-F6E6703CAB07.htm
You can kick Bush's ass?

Ok, ok.. so maybe someone can explain this to me, because I do it too- but I don't know why.

WHY do Arabs/Indians/Brown people in general who are perfectly fluent in English and have no accent in reality put it on when talking to their friends?

WHY do we do this? Our parents spent thousands upon thousands of dollars on our education, so that we would NOT have an accent. So that we could articulate ourselves as well as the next whitey and no one would be any the wiser if we were on the phone.

THEN, we grow older and think it's hilarious to sit around in a big group of brown bebol and FAKE a fucking accent. I do it all the time. It's reached the point where is is 100% subconscious and I do it 50% of the time- I'm scared it will one day become permanent.

Does anyone know the answer??

I am Palestinian.

The reason why I concentrate on their plight, is because the issues directly affect me. They directly affect my grandfathers, great grandfathers, grandmothers and great grandmothers, not because I seem to think that the troubles facing Palestinians are greater than any other on earth. However, the Question of Palestine is one that burns my heart. This is my blog- I can dedicate the entire thing to my feelings about olive trees if I so desire.

I have a right to my feelings, regarding the state that I have been denied.
I fully recognize that the problem is not black and white. I recognize that Palestinian Authorities may have had some part to play in the condition of Palestinians in occupied territories, as it stands today.

Palestinian land was stolen in 1948- and in order for any sort of compromise to ever be made, this simple fact must be recognised. I will not forget that my family had to walk for days to safety, leaving their lives behind. I will not forget that my families' homes are inhabited by people who did not build them. Nor will any other Palestinian who respects their ancestor's memory. Do not ask me to, and do not try to convinve me otherwise, you will not succeed.

Do not tell me that a two-state solution is fair. It may be a good option considering the situation, to alleviate the hell that Palestinians go through at checkpoints everyday- but do not tell me it is fair. It is not fair, for all those who were forced to leave in 48. It maybe the right thing to do, but it is not just.

Therefore, if you have an intelligent comment, please leave it, I will be happy to talk to you.
If you are going to attack my beliefes simply because you think Palestinians have dug their own hole- then go elsewhere, there are plenty of neo-con websites that will be happy to entertain you.

Tonight,
I will dance and drink for Beirut.
I will party for the city that loves to party more than any other.

Tomorrow,
I will go to Toronto, and sleep, get fed and study in suburbia.

Next week,
I will come back and catch up on Ru-time, cuz she's coming back to Monty whilst I is gone.
I will speak funny egyptian and laugh at bidan.

**********

Generally, I'm feeling like a human being again, after a week of no sleep and much reading and writing.

Last night, as part of "End Israeli Apartheid Week 2007", Dr. Jamal Zahalka, a Palestinian Israeli and member of the Israeli Knesset and spoke at Concordia about the nature of Israeli apartheid in a lecture entitled "Debunking the Myth of Israeli Democracy".

I like him. He's funny and smart. His pHd is in Hasheesh. I shit you not.
Alot of people came, and a lot of questions were asked, and he answered them well.

Is Israel an apartheid state? I have trouble deciding.
The situation in the occupied territories, is even worse than 'apartheid'- but that's exactly it. The West Bank and Gaza are not a part of the state, and calling the problem apartheid makes it seem that the situation is better than it actually is.
In Israel, there is discrimination- that much we know. But is the discrimination enough to warrant the label of "apartheid"? I think I have to go and see for myself.
The facts are complicated, and my understanding of them makes it seem like it is- but I'm hesitant to use such a strong term if it truly is unqualified. However, the likes of Nelson Mandela and Desmond Tutu have gone and said it- they know what they are talking about. Jimmy Carter- well, I read the book. He is specific to the occupied territories, and not the state, which is initself a different analysis.

However, the movement is gaining ground, from small beginings three years ago to events from London, New York, Montreal, Toronto and others this year.. there are obviously plenty of people who seem to think Apartheid is the correct term.

Check it out, http://www.endisraeliapartheid.net/, read the fact sheet, decide for yourself.

Aite- I've been drifting in and out of consciousness in a secluded bubble that has consisted of me sitting at a desk and either writing papers, drawing storyboards or cramming for midterms.
I have my last stuff due and a midterm tonight- and I feel like a human being for the first tiem in days because I made a point of sleeping- as opposed to napping -last night.

So, I decided to check the news and you know, find out what has been happening outside my world for the past week or so..

Baghdad is cracking down on security

Bomb blasts in Algeria

AL AQSA. Don't even get me started- the shit will hit the fan. All I can say, is LEAVE IT THE FUCK ALONE. The dome of the rock, the mosque- the entire old city. Just leave it be. It's not yours to fuck with.

Bus blasts in Lubnan.
Bus blasts in Liban.
Bus blasts in Lebanon.
Does anyone else remember that a bus blast started the CIVIL WAR?
What kind of moron...?!? ugh
Oh, and the Gemayal phelange guy- he's.. umm, amusing? "The Lebanese don't kill the Lebanese".. Yeah, ok. Only on the streets of Beirut for like six months now. Dumbass.

As for Montreal. Well, Snow.
Lots of snow. 30 cm today, I think.

Which bring me to my sappy section- I've mentioned before my love for all holidays. This hallmark one included.
So go on, believe in love and peace despite all the khara. Remember that it means something, atleast remember today.



Love in Montreal. Actually.

So.. V made a point about me and my labels.
I see where she's coming from, but...

Let me clarify why I hate labels and why I use them.

I _love_ the Arab "third world" and have claimed my third worldedness with pride on many an occasion, precisely because the label is disgusting.

It's kind of like queer theory- where queer writing reclaimed the language used to subjugate them in order to rewrite their narrative.
I'm a Communication Studies student. I know that language CANNOT be escaped. We are trapped within it. You cannot work outside language. Everything is biased. Blah blah, Blah blah.

Therefore, let us reclaim the vocabulary and make it our own. Give it new meaning. Love it and Live it.
Evolution :)


...Can you tell I'm procrastinating my grades away..?

OneVoice Movement

Maybe I'm too hopeful,
Maybe I'm too cynical.

I've met representatives of OneVoice and respect the way they are trying to alter the discourse of the conflict.
Is it possible for one voice that sings to fix the hell that has become Gaza? Can one voice actually begin to wipe the blood, sweat and tears?


I don't know.. but I know that for this conflict to actually come to an end, different avenues must be explored.. for justice to be served to the Palestinians, different kinds of resistence need to be persued.. for peace to come to the Israelis a vareity of modus operandi need to be employed.
Demonstrations alone won't do it, diplomacy alone won't fix it, and boycotts alone won't do the job.
A feeling in my gut tells me OneVoice is just one of the means to an end..

im boiling and drowing alive, yo!

school is squeezing every last breath out of me.

and i must admit.. i kinda like it.

i think im destined to be an eternal student.

hey.. so long as someone else keeps paying for it.. ;)

That is how cold it was this morning.

When it is cold enough, your nose hairs freeze, your brain freezes, the wind gets inside your earmuffs and you feel physical pain.

But today, my face was so cold.. it died a little.

Earlier today, I ran into a friend (lets call him E) I haven't seen in about 2-3 months. It's his last semester, so naturally, I asked him the annoying question.. "What's next?"

Anyway, we then started talking about another friend, let's call her Ru. Ru grew up in the Gulf, spent sometime in Egypt then finished off her degree in Montreal. Ru recently left Montral and just spent sometime in the Middle East and is now immigrating to Quebec. She is a designer, studies French and is a hippy socialist. I.e- She is the perfect candidate for this city.

Now back to E. E was wondering why Ru would move back here. E is a Latin Jew by the way.. but has been here a few years.. an International student, I believe. He doesn't think he would stay in Montreal. It's not a "grown up" city- no money to be made, French is a requirement, its frickin cold. I have to agree with E- I wouldn't "grow up" here... I asked E where he would go.

"I dunno. You?"
"I dunno".




Later in the day, I got into a discussion with B. B lived in Kuwait till the war, where they lost everything and moved to Jordan. They eventually moved to Montreal, and made a life for themselves. He was here seven odd years. B 's family moved to Doha when he was 11. He moved back to Montreal for university.

B could never go back to the Gulf. He hates the exploitation of labour. The slavery and the inequality. I get it.
B will likely stay here. Although, in my opinion, Canada has blood on its hands too- most places do. The railroads weren't miraculously built, the natives are still treated badly and so on, but he doesn't agree. Besides, the point is, in the Gulf, there is no denying the racism. The class system. Whatever, if you've lived there- you know.

Point of all this- where do we go? I don't know. Can I go back to the Gulf? Possibly, but I'm not sure.
I _love_ Doha- I grew up there, I get it. I don't exactly fit in, but I never have.. and I always just got on with it.
Montreal? Not a chance in hell- Again, I _love_ this beautiful city. But I don't see myself making a permanent home from it.

Back to Ru- Ru is coming back.. but will she stay? Who knows- no one ever really knows, do they? The world is a small place, and for so many of us, it is an oyster to be devoured.

It just feels strage.. most people have a general idea where they want to live- all I know is that I want it to be warm. And I need the sea. I need the beach- My childhood was spent in a swimsuit, and I want it to be that way later on too.
I do know where I can't live.
I can't live somewhere where English is not atleast a second language. My linguistic abilities are pathetic.
I can't live in the Levant or in Egypt. It's too. Hmm, Well, Let's just say I can't deal with sheep in the morning, angry cab drivers in the afternoon and people yelling at each other on the street. I can't live in chaos. At the end of the day, I was raised in Gulf and my mind is "western". (yes, I know I hate that word, and tend to refrain from using it.. but it seems so appropriate right now). I couldn't live in the Arab third world.
I can't live somewhere cold. I just don't want to do it.
I can't live somwhere boring. I need excitement- even if I don't use it. Cities keep me alive- dirty pollution, crazy pedestrians and firetrucks included.
I can't live someplace where the ignorant outnumber those who recognise that everyone is ignorant.

And this reminds me of something else- how many of you hate the question "where are you from?"
SUCH a confusing question for so many people! It's not that simple, ok? It's complicated for a lot of us, so quit it!
When I first got here.. the first time someone asked me that question, I went blank.
I Doha, it was fairly simple- people get it. When you say you are Palestinian, they recognize that this could mean you have never been and may never go. But you still ARE. Because.. you are.

Here, I said I was Palestinian, and people asked me what it was like.. "gee, I dunno. never been". Hang on a second, if you've never been somewhere, how can you be from it? Hmmm.. good question. I am because I am. Don't you know Palestine doesn't exist anymore, asshole?
"So where did you grow up?" Qatar.
"So you're Qatarian then?" Umm.. well, actually- the correct word is Qatari.. and no.
"But you've lived there your whole life!! You must be from there!" Not quite.

Yeah.. and on it goes.. so then I started saying I was Palestinian but grew up in Qatar.. and that led to a whole barrage of questions. Fuck.

Yeah, so now I'm just Palestinian and you can go fuck yourself if you don't get it.
If I even began to explain that I was a US citizen and a permanent resident of Canada, I can just imagine their ignorant little brains spinning.

Sidetrack: I once got pulled over in New York state- I was driving a car registered in Quebec. So I gave the cop my Quebec helathcare card, my US passport and my Qatari license. He spent half an hour checking me out on his walkie talkie. His eyes were rolling to the back of his head. It was quite funny.

ANYWAY.. My point was.. Je suis homeless.. and most of my friends feel the same way- I think it is a generational thing. A lot of us feel like we could live anywhere.. and love the fact that we could live anywhere.. but come time to decide, might panic a little.

The way I see it- life will take you where it will take you- never in a million years did I think I would end up in Montreal. In fact, till about 3 weeks before I got on that plane.. I still didn't think I would ever end up in French Canada of all places. But life is funny like that.

Besides, I'm quite happy right here for now.

Get to the airplane bit already.. it's the best part:


"So the time has come for me to do my random thoughts on Jordan and Arab countries in general..
Coming back from Jordan this winter I realized that we see and encounter a lot of weird things in Amman, and we just totally got used to them that we stopped commenting on them or noticing them.

- So, I live in Deir Lighbar - Im cool huh? that should be the nawar's pick up line by the way - Eish ya wardeh - ana min deir lighbar and my hang out is shari3 il safara il amreekeyeh.
Im sure girls would go for that. wouldn't you?
ok so going back to Deir Lighbar, its considered a rather lavish area of Amman its where the American Embassy is and where most of the modern landscaping and housing is in Jordan. My room in Amman is facing an empty lot of land next to my house, i come back to Amman after months of being away forgetting what i wake up to every morning. The sound of wonderful sheep running around, i don't hear all of them, i hear just one, the leader i guess - with the big bell around her neck as well as the Shepard yelling SHEEE every 3 seconds. I wake up confused. In Montréal i hear sirens and cars and my neighbor on the phone - normal sounds i guess. In Amman i wake up to sheep, the bell, the Shepard and my mom yelling at the Shepard to get his sheep away from our trees. Don't pretend like its normal, its not.. we just got used to it. And wait... what's the SHEEE for? why SHEE? and why is it biss biss for cats? and the sound of kissing for dogs and some weird sound that i cant even put into letters for horses? WHERE do we get them from? we're weird... so weird.

- Wait... to continue what i started about sounds... why is it that every language imitates the sound of dogs differently, in English its the traditional WOOF WOOF, in Arabic its 3aw 3aw in Spanish its waaw waaw... I thought they spoke a universal language and even if they didn't... they really don't say 3aw 3aw do they? Just a thought.. think about it.

- Driving around Jordan, maybe not as much in Amman but other parts of Jordan you will find Shoes. What do i mean by shoes? Its what you think it means... you will find a random shoe in the middle of the road or in an empty lot of land. In most cases its black, and leather, sometimes its one slipper... and i cant help but wonder why that person just kept walking when his shoe fell off. Was he running away from someone? was he drunk? was someone throwing it at another person? (im SURE this happens, we Arabs love throwing shoes at each other which is a very very weird habit by the way but i wont get into it.) I really get disturbed and want to somehow give it back to its owner. Im guessing this shoe thing doesn't happen in developed countries in Canada or the USA or Europe. but WHY? they don't run away or get drunk? i KNOW they don't throw shoes at others, only Arabs do that. This shoe thing should be a measure of development, an index, like education, literacy rate or unemployment. We should have a shoe index. How many shoes are found in the country, and in what parts. Do you agree?

- The bridge - our pride and joy, our new child, our sign of development and modernity, our monument. You know what im talking about, and you've probably drove over it 900 times already, just for the sake of driving over it. Damn its probably the first thing you did when you went back home, it sure was the first thing my friends took me to when they picked me up from the airport. Jisir il nogefeh, or jisir 2007 or AKA THE JISIR, is it normal that people stop on the side of the bridge, blocking an entire lane to take pictures? im sorry, you may say i have become westernized, you may say im not in touch with my people - but its not that.. i cant get over people taking pictures of themselves on the bridge and blocking the bridge lane while doing it. OR WAIT, if you haven't seen the youtube video go check it out NOW - THERE WAS A BRIDE A GROOM WHO WALKED ACROSS THE BRIDGE, no joke, they blocked the traffic and walked across the bridge for their wedding - THAT was their "thing" their wedding "thing" - you know what i mean about "thing" right? Jordanians always like to have a little spark, "thing" or fiasco for people to talk about after the wedding, that was theirs - so creative and SO fucking dangerous.
The funniest are the rumors about the bridge, i heard way too many - that they went broke and used cheap material in the end, that its breaking down at the bottom pillars but they put a fence to block people from seeing it, that its a khitta sahyooneh... heheheh ohhh we will never change. Even a bridge that was built for the convenience and comfort of fellow Jordanians is viewed as a Zionist plan to destroy the Arabs.

- Blue fig - now THAT is a measure of how popular you are in Amman... forget Nai, forget everything. you want the real numbers you walk into blue fig. If they don't know you're face, then they don't have a table for you, don't even bother. Its a god damn cafe, how did it become like a club? that bouncer outside, the fact that a cafe has valet, the hosts who act like they're carrying a guest list at all times what the hell? ITS A CAAAFFEEE. SO you measure your popularity based on where they seat you.
first class is outside, business class is outside on stools or inside on ground floor, economy is upstairs, cargo is upstairs behind that bar or downstairs next to kitchen....
you walk into blue fig after you have been assigned your seat (aka your popularity status) and you will get looks from every man, woman and child - i really get nervous at this point, my palms start getting sweaty, my breathing gets heavy, my eyes start watering, my knees have this tingly feeling - all eyes are on me as i take a walk across the cat walk. but then you're forced to say hi to 99.9% of the tables, cause they're either your relatives, your friends, your brother's friends or sister's friends or your neighboring table mates at Nai. but only at that point, after you've been away for so long, do you feel at home. You smile thinking to yourself.. ohhhh Amman, how i miss you and your weird ways.

-Arab planes, see I've only been on RJ and Royal Wings - both Jordanian Airlines - so i wouldn't know about the other Arab planes. WHY do we clap when the plane lands? its like we're surprised that the captain actually did it. like we were doubting that a Jordanian captain can actually land that big thing... we congratulate him with a clap. I don't know, last time i checked THAT is what he was supposed to do. do we clap for a cab driver when he drives us home? or for the bus driver when he stops for us to get out? NO we DON'T. THE plane isn't any different. Its harder to land, YES. Its a bigger mode of transport, YES. BUT that is what the captain has learnt and got a license for - TO LAND us safely.
See some of us have left Amman to study abroad, some of us got more westernized, some of us even started speaking English at all times and pretend not to know what certain Arabic words are - BUT when it comes to clapping we allll do it no matter how westernized we get. Damn i cant wait to get on RJ so i can clap, its the highlight of my trip...

- Perfume - we all wear it, but you know why we all wear it? cause we're ARAB. YES - those foreigners don't wear as much perfume as we do. When you get in the elevator or pass someone on the street if you get a whisk of perfume that you can smell from a 10 meter radius around the person- YOU KNOW that person is Arab. See the Arabs are one story then the Khalijis (Gulfies) are another story. They use stuff the prophet Mohammad used, Misk wa 3ambar - so strong that it might put you in a coma for a few days. IT DOESN'T smell good, the only reason the prophet used it is because they HAD NOTHING ELSE. You might as well put some gulf oil on you, trust me it'll smell better.


I write this on the occasion of His Majesty King Abdullah's Birthday - May God bless Him, our country and people."