Wednesday, April 23, 2008
GO HABS.. go?
Once again, Montrealers prove themselves to be.. well, third worlders.
Civilized? How dare you? Fans of the "Candiens" are far from the polite well-behaved Canadians one finds in the rest of the country. It's like watching a bunch of repressed people who live under a military dictatorship who finally found an outlet for their frustration.
I was there for some of the action but we headed East looking for more fun before they started burning cop cars- so i missed a lot of the action.
Alls I know is- whether or now we win or lose the Stanley Cup- more shit is gonna get broken before this is over.
afternoon tea. absolutely fabulous.
I keep making these really quick trips- usually, they do the job. This time I wanted to stay longer.
Anyways- after calling Expedia and BA and Expedia and BA- there was no way I could stay longer. I came on Monday. In order to come back on Tuesday, I would have had to give BA $500, my first born, my right arm and then some. I figure I'll use those for my next trip instead.
London was lovely- for the first time ever, I felt like I could actually live there and make it home- unlikely I will actually do it- but its possible.
Honestly, I would move there just for the afternoon champagne, finger sandwiches and scones.
Anyways- after calling Expedia and BA and Expedia and BA- there was no way I could stay longer. I came on Monday. In order to come back on Tuesday, I would have had to give BA $500, my first born, my right arm and then some. I figure I'll use those for my next trip instead.
London was lovely- for the first time ever, I felt like I could actually live there and make it home- unlikely I will actually do it- but its possible.
Honestly, I would move there just for the afternoon champagne, finger sandwiches and scones.
Wednesday, April 16, 2008
Landaan (please insert Gulfie accent as you hear fit)
Weee
ray7a landaan
bashoof big ben
hahaha
hahaha
Once a Gulfie,
Be back soon.
ray7a landaan
bashoof big ben
hahaha
hahaha
Once a Gulfie,
Be back soon.
Sunday, April 13, 2008
I don't know what to think.
Ever since I spent two weeks with my family over the holidays- I don't want to talk to them, I don't want to think about them, and I don't particularly feel the need to see them.
Usually- I miss them terribly and can't wait to spend time with them. Usually- I call them before they think of calling me. Usually- I have lots to say to them.
These days, I got nothing.
I can't figure out the cause of this. Is is because I spent so much time in Doha this summer, and then saw them again so soon after? Is it because my sister came to visit me and shattered all illusions of us being compatible? Is it because I'm in my last year of undergrad and feel the pressure to find something to do with my life? Or are Arab mothers right to be terrified- has their daughter drifted away into Westernity, never to be the same again?
My mother has been aware of my detachment, but has been too uneasy to bring it up.
My sister called me yesterday- she moves here on August 24th. That's it. That's my deadline?
I got mad and yelled and shouted like a stroppy teenager. Why are you bothering me with this? Its four months away- do you really think it makes a difference to me whether you get here August 23rd, 27th or September the fucking first?
Of course I'm being a bitch. I recognise that. She's just a 17 year old- nervous and excited to be moving away from home. Thinking her big sister will look out for her. I'm not such a great sister.
Anyway- back to my detachment. I just had a long talk with my mother. I told her I was unhappy to be graduating and that I did not want to come home- she reminded me that I knew I didn't have to. I know. And it felt mean to tell her I did not want to. I explicitly said "my life is here now. its not over in Doha anymore".
She sounded heartbroken.
It's not fair- I do love them. Honest to god, I would love to see them- several times a week. I just don't want to live with anyone right now- never mind my parents, not even my sister - or even a room mate. I need to be on my own.
Anyway- now I feel like an asshole. And I feel like I'm fulfilling some prophecy of the little Arab girl who goes away and doesn't want to come home. But it is not like that- it really has nothing to do with all the "typical" reasons. I've always been fiercely independent. And the few times I broke down and needed support from my family- there was nothing they could do- there was nothing anyone can do. That's how life works- you need to do thing on your own. So now my mother wants me to lean on her for support because she thinks I'm sad that I'm graduating.
And I don't want her support.
And I don't know what to do.
Ever since I spent two weeks with my family over the holidays- I don't want to talk to them, I don't want to think about them, and I don't particularly feel the need to see them.
Usually- I miss them terribly and can't wait to spend time with them. Usually- I call them before they think of calling me. Usually- I have lots to say to them.
These days, I got nothing.
I can't figure out the cause of this. Is is because I spent so much time in Doha this summer, and then saw them again so soon after? Is it because my sister came to visit me and shattered all illusions of us being compatible? Is it because I'm in my last year of undergrad and feel the pressure to find something to do with my life? Or are Arab mothers right to be terrified- has their daughter drifted away into Westernity, never to be the same again?
My mother has been aware of my detachment, but has been too uneasy to bring it up.
My sister called me yesterday- she moves here on August 24th. That's it. That's my deadline?
I got mad and yelled and shouted like a stroppy teenager. Why are you bothering me with this? Its four months away- do you really think it makes a difference to me whether you get here August 23rd, 27th or September the fucking first?
Of course I'm being a bitch. I recognise that. She's just a 17 year old- nervous and excited to be moving away from home. Thinking her big sister will look out for her. I'm not such a great sister.
Anyway- back to my detachment. I just had a long talk with my mother. I told her I was unhappy to be graduating and that I did not want to come home- she reminded me that I knew I didn't have to. I know. And it felt mean to tell her I did not want to. I explicitly said "my life is here now. its not over in Doha anymore".
She sounded heartbroken.
It's not fair- I do love them. Honest to god, I would love to see them- several times a week. I just don't want to live with anyone right now- never mind my parents, not even my sister - or even a room mate. I need to be on my own.
Anyway- now I feel like an asshole. And I feel like I'm fulfilling some prophecy of the little Arab girl who goes away and doesn't want to come home. But it is not like that- it really has nothing to do with all the "typical" reasons. I've always been fiercely independent. And the few times I broke down and needed support from my family- there was nothing they could do- there was nothing anyone can do. That's how life works- you need to do thing on your own. So now my mother wants me to lean on her for support because she thinks I'm sad that I'm graduating.
And I don't want her support.
And I don't know what to do.
criticism
"but if the frenetic pace of modern life is too upsetting to some individuals, the system itself does not have to slow down. what we see is the development and marketing of mood-enhancing drugs to enable people to cope... One branch of technology makes up for the deficiencies in another, but the technological system as a whole keeps growing"
Saturday, April 12, 2008
Jacques Ellul
He believes that human nature is thoroughly flawed and that it is a human characteristic to be swayed by illusions.
His message is that one needs to free oneself of illusions.
My final is on Monday and that's pretty much all I can tell you-
Maybe I need to free myself from the illusion that I'm still going to do well at school.
I've been distracted for a while- several years at least. But I could usually focus long enough to get the job done. When it came to school, there was no interruptions. I wouldn't allow a disruption. I managed to maintain my focus. After all, priorities are priorities and aspirations require working towards your goals.
Now my state of distractedness permeates everything I do. I can't even focus on my laundry.
I keep hopping on airplanes, or on endless highways to escape my indifference and my detachment, in the hopes that I will return rejuvenated.
This has not worked.
I think I'm bored.
I need stimulation, I need a revelation- anything that will arouse my brainwaves.
Maybe its time to move
His message is that one needs to free oneself of illusions.
My final is on Monday and that's pretty much all I can tell you-
Maybe I need to free myself from the illusion that I'm still going to do well at school.
I've been distracted for a while- several years at least. But I could usually focus long enough to get the job done. When it came to school, there was no interruptions. I wouldn't allow a disruption. I managed to maintain my focus. After all, priorities are priorities and aspirations require working towards your goals.
Now my state of distractedness permeates everything I do. I can't even focus on my laundry.
I keep hopping on airplanes, or on endless highways to escape my indifference and my detachment, in the hopes that I will return rejuvenated.
This has not worked.
I think I'm bored.
I need stimulation, I need a revelation- anything that will arouse my brainwaves.
Maybe its time to move
Monday, April 07, 2008
April 2008
son of a DIRTY FUCKING bitch
It's April? Are you kidding me? When did that happen?
I haven't so much as picked up a book, written a paper, or done anything of the sort since January.
This semester is OVER in T- 7 days.
I've done it. I've pulled off a lazy semester. Of course, I may potentially fuck it up because I didn't have enough to do and therefore didn't do anything at all, but hey- I've achieved a goal. I'ma lazy muthefucka and i'm proud!
********
Spring is here.
On Saturday. It was five degrees. There we were, sitting on a terrace on Crescent, smoking out nicotine, having a drink, heaters blaring and jackets tightly wrapped around us.
Montrealers congregated around terraces all over the city- we have no shame or sense of decency. One "warm" day, that is all it takes. All over the island, people dropped what they were doing and went out to enjoy the good weather. I was first in line.
It's April? Are you kidding me? When did that happen?
I haven't so much as picked up a book, written a paper, or done anything of the sort since January.
This semester is OVER in T- 7 days.
I've done it. I've pulled off a lazy semester. Of course, I may potentially fuck it up because I didn't have enough to do and therefore didn't do anything at all, but hey- I've achieved a goal. I'ma lazy muthefucka and i'm proud!
********
Spring is here.
On Saturday. It was five degrees. There we were, sitting on a terrace on Crescent, smoking out nicotine, having a drink, heaters blaring and jackets tightly wrapped around us.
Montrealers congregated around terraces all over the city- we have no shame or sense of decency. One "warm" day, that is all it takes. All over the island, people dropped what they were doing and went out to enjoy the good weather. I was first in line.
Tuesday, April 01, 2008
rusty old screws should not be chilling on the corner of de maisonneuve and de la my life
yup
rusty old screw
having FINALLY scheduled in a day for studying, i decide to go down and get myself a bag of bite sized brownies to get me through the reading and writing, when a i feel like i stepped on something.
i pull my leg up to look at the sole of my shoe
then i take my shoe off in the middle of the street to inspect the damage.
blood
and the homeless guy asks me whats wrong
i tell him a rusty screw has punctured through my trainers into my foot
"that sucks"
i skip all the way back to my building
sit in the lobby and call up my friend- and ask for the bottle of rubbing alcohol under the sink
she comes down
at this point, there is blood dripping down my foot.
Anyway, after some discussion, it is decided that i need a tetanus shot- mind you its Sunday afternoon and i am NOT in the mood to spend 6 hrs in the emergency room.
Canadian health care is good that way.
We find a clinic..
Then I decide I want a hot dog and fries to make myself feel better.
Off to Costco for their (in)famous all beef hot dogs.
There goes studying.
rusty old screw
having FINALLY scheduled in a day for studying, i decide to go down and get myself a bag of bite sized brownies to get me through the reading and writing, when a i feel like i stepped on something.
i pull my leg up to look at the sole of my shoe
then i take my shoe off in the middle of the street to inspect the damage.
blood
and the homeless guy asks me whats wrong
i tell him a rusty screw has punctured through my trainers into my foot
"that sucks"
i skip all the way back to my building
sit in the lobby and call up my friend- and ask for the bottle of rubbing alcohol under the sink
she comes down
at this point, there is blood dripping down my foot.
Anyway, after some discussion, it is decided that i need a tetanus shot- mind you its Sunday afternoon and i am NOT in the mood to spend 6 hrs in the emergency room.
Canadian health care is good that way.
We find a clinic..
Then I decide I want a hot dog and fries to make myself feel better.
Off to Costco for their (in)famous all beef hot dogs.
There goes studying.
